As an author, I often write about fictional relationships, calling upon my own experiences, as well as those of others, to create characters that are believable and relatable. Here is something important I learned along the way—that we all have been made for relationship.
“No man is an island.” You may have heard that phrase before. It means every human being needs intimate connection with another.
Never is that sentiment more keenly felt than when one is adrift upon a dark sea of loneliness. Being the captain of your own ship is not enough to get you sailing. You need a crew. You need a reliable first mate. You also need unity of purpose.
Herman Melville, himself a seaman and renowned author (Moby Dick, among other great works), wrote: “We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men.”
Consider also the famous poem by John Donne:
No man is an island,
MEDITATION XVII, Devotions upon Emergent Occasions by John Donne
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend’s
Or of thine own were:
Any man’s death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.
Deeply profound. Undeniably true. For those of us who have been blessed with deep connections to another, these thoughts are not realizations, but rather validations. Conversely, if you have never experienced a deep relationship with another person, or if you had such a union but somehow lost it, these words can serve as a reminder that your isolation need not be permanent. Indeed, since you were made for relationship, your heart will naturally gravitate toward filling its void with someone new.
“It is not good for the man to be alone.” In Genesis 2:18, the Bible records those words from God. After His week of creative work, God called everything He made “good.” Have you ever noticed that the only thing in creation He called not good was Adam’s aloneness? His remedy was Eve; she and Adam became the first made-for-each-other human couple.
From the beginning, then, God intended for a man and a woman to have an intimate union, and it was very important to Him. Human beings were made for relationship—first to God, then to each other. You might say we have been hardwired for relationship.
In John 17: 22, we see Jesus praying on our behalf: “I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one.” In the surrounding verses, too, we discover that a unified connection between people is what God wants for all of us.
So, this is what I mean when I say we have been made for relationship. It is inherent (built-in), inescapable, and completely fulfilling. Our job is to make sure we are connected to the people who are best for us. More on that in a later post. For now, I just want to encourage your sweet soul (and mine) that we need not be an island. As I said in my last post, love is all around us. All we need to do is remove unnecessary barriers that are keeping us from it. And we can. Young soul, there is an Adam for your Eve; there is an Eve for your Adam. An intimate union is as natural as the rest of Creation—and the need has been wired into your very being. Explore it.
Planet of Eden Update
It has taken me months to get back on track with “Project Eden,” but I have not been idle, fellow Edenites. I am about to launch into another blitz of querying agents to find someone who will represent Planet of Eden to the right publisher. At the same time, I am looking at self-publishing options. Come hell or high water, this novel is going to get published! It is darn good, the messages in it are timely, and I spent too many years on it to see the manuscript gathering dust. Plus, its two sequels are in the pipeline! Do you know what it’s like to have a creative project gnawing at you in the back of your mind? Planet of Perdition and Planet of Salvation are demanding to be written. And behind those are several more books in my brain’s to-be-written file—a military sci-fi epic involving self-declared sentient and religious androids, a romantic adventure story with modern-day elves, and oh, so much more!
I will be writing more regularly in this blog, I promise. For those of you who have been following me, you know what I’ve been going through in my personal life. But…things are getting better, and I am finding a renewed, God-given strength to rediscover myself, reignite my passions, and seek new adventures (and relationships). So, stay tuned, stay in touch, and be sure to send me comments below!
Be well, my friend, and keep being awesome. You are loved and not alone…and we need you.
7 comments
More fantastic truth by one living it out. It’s so true that we are relational beings. I also like how Stephen Covey put it: we are designed to be neither independent, nor dependent. We are interdependent beings, at our best when connected to others. May we all deepen in our understanding of these things!
Quite well said. That’s an even better way to think about it–interdependence. Also balance. The best marriage relationship is one between equals; it’s 50/50 give and take, each opinion matters, and every decision made in unity. Interestingly, this is one of the themes in my forthcoming novel Planet of Eden. Readers will see a contrast between Eden-like relationships and those in the real world today. Woven within the sci-fi/adventure story, you’ll be challenged to think differently about what you have…and what you could have. I can’t wait to put a copy in your hands! Thanks for commenting!
True words. But we must also remember that singles have a unique and precious place in the body of Christ. They have an opportunity to demonstrate in a powerful way that God is all-sufficient, the perfect spouse, our all-in-all. This grace of the Holy Spirit creates a fullness that also sometimes attracts a similarly surrendered life for a union that shines with the glory of God.
Absolutely. And there are certainly those who choose to remain single, with little compulsion to seek a man-woman relationship. We must all run our own race.
I felt led to write this for those who are still seeking that special intimate bond between a man and woman–the type of relationship God made for us in Eden. It is significant to me that God called everything “good.” But as for Adam being alone, He said “not good.” I guess this goes back to God’s original intent. In all of the various areas of our lives, if we explored and pursued His original intent, we’d no doubt have a much better existence in this broken world.
Thanks for the comment!
Love your article! 💓
God definitely created us to be in community with each other! 🤗
It’s in this community that we find healing, hope and happiness! 🙌🏼✝️💖
Yes! We hear the word “community” tossed around quite a bit these days. I put much of the blame on my fellow marketers, who have successfully used it to get the attention of Millennials. I could write an entire book on that topic, but I prefer fiction. I also don’t want to admit to my own 25-year career in that field. Suffice it to say that community is truly an important concept today, especially in an increasingly fractured society. As dark forces continue to drive us all apart, the need to unify under the banner of Community will become ever more necessary. And you are absolutely correct in pointing out that deep affinity creates both individual and group healing, hope, and happiness. Well said. Thanks for following!
Great stuff man!